I'll be there for you
by modscho
Summary: Ray and Neela together after something that might change his professional life my first fanfic ever, so sorry the summary sucks be gentle with me and read and comment that


I don't own ER or anything that has to do with it. It all belongs to NBC and Warner Bros. Set somewhere around the beginning of season 13.

**A/N this is my first fanfic ever, I don't even tried that in German what's my native language, so please be gentle with me,**

**you know great readers/viewers you all love to give reviews so let me know what you think ... I'd love to learn from that**

**a very BIG thank to Starryjen and Dockrock for your help and most of all for encouraging me to finally post that**

**so here we go ... ENJOY (rated T)**

**I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU**

When Ray pushed through the doors of County that morning he was taken aback by the noise around him.

"Maybe I should go back home before anybody notices me" he thought while nearly slamming into Morris, who didn't even take the time to greet him, but instead gave him a slap on the back with the comment to hurry to the locker room, because the place was packed.

"I'm not blind" Ray muttered under his breath and then headed off to start work all the time wondering why he hadn't just called in.

Deep down he knew exactly why he came here every day even if it cost him all the energy he had left after countless sleepless nights. This was the only place he was able to at least catch a look at Neela and maybe if he was really lucky she would talk to him even if it was only for a patients case.

He still couldn't understand why she was avoiding him the way she was, but he couldn't muster enough courage to ask her either.

In the beginning he'd tried to talk to her every time he saw her, but after that she'd even changed her shifts to get away from him so he'd given up. He knew nothing could ever change the feelings he carried in his heart for her, but maybe it was better to keep them locked there.

He headed off to the desk to take his first chart knowing that if he stayed in the locker room for a moment longer Morris would be pissed off, and, with his luck these days Kovac would be around to see that he was late.

Ray was halfway through the day when he picked up a chart for a 17 years old girl with a small swelling of a lymph node under her right armpit who was waiting to be treated. He called Sam to help him examine her. He would have to send her up to oncology to run some tests, but before he did that he was going to tell her, so he asked her to get dressed again. It was then that Sam was called out for a major trauma coming in in five minutes.

After he'd signed off on her, she'd slipped his mind immediately as he'd got caught up in saving those people who had severe injuries from a horrible car accident.

0-0-0-0

Nearly two weeks later he was standing at the desk checking a patient's history when his pager went off. He knew almost instantly that it wasn't a good sign to be being called into Kovac's office, it never was. But even though his mind was starting to run on overdrive about what it was about, he never could have imagined what was waiting for him. He entered the room after giving a short knock, but without waiting for his permission. One glance at Luka told him it was even worse than expected. He didn't wait for him to sit down, but shot a sharp question right at him.

"Dr. Barnett am I rightly informed it was you who treated a 17 year old girl the Thursday before last?"

It didn't sound at all like a question, but Ray nodded anyway.

"So then tell me why you didn't have a nurse or a female doctor with you"

"Whoa, just a minute, Dr. Kovac" Ray said. "Sam was with me"

"That's right she was, but isn't it true that she was called into a trauma before you finished examining the woman?"

He shook his head "No, it's not, I told her to get dressed before Sam left"

"Well, Dr. Barnett I'm afraid the patient says otherwise and what's worse is that this isn't just any young woman, it's the daughter of a lawyer who would like nothing more than seeing this hospital closed"

"Wh…what, you mean this was planned? But that's ridiculous" Ray stuttered.

"No, I didn't say it was planned, I just said it went very wrong and I don't see any other option than to send you home for a while, at least long enough to let them all calm down a bit. Just go and pack your things and I will call you as soon as I know anything more" With that Kovac got back to his paperwork and made it clear that the conversation had come to an end.

Ray walked quickly away, trying to get to the locker room without being seen, all the time wondering why the hell he hadn't called in that day as he had wanted to. It was only when he yanked the door open that he realised there was already someone in there.

"Bad day, huh?" Abby asked.

He was relieved that it was Abby who talked to him and not Morris or Pratt. He was sure he would it with those two if they started.

"You have no idea" Ray admitted while taking his stuff from his locker.

"Enlighten me then"

"Listen Abby, I'm definitely not in the mood to talk and I would appreciate if you would just leave me alone"

She had a hand on the door keeping it closed before he even reached it.

"Ray, please just talk to me. You look like you should talk to someone"

"There's nothing to talk about. Just let me go"

Abby glared at him. "Just talk..."

"Which part of I don't want to talk about it didn't you understand, Lockhart?"

He couldn't fight the feeling that Abby was able to look right into his mind when she looked at him the way she did now.

"Alright" he finally let his anger snap. "what do you want to hear? That I got suspended for something I didn't do? That my whole life is a disaster? That he's taken away the one thing that was keeping me going. Is it that what you want to hear?" With that he turned the door-handle and this time she didn't try to stop him.

0-0-0-0

When Ray reached his building all he wanted was to collapse on the sofa and get drunk. He opened a bottle of beer and gulped it halfway down only to realize that beer wouldn't be strong enough.

Tonight he needed a good few shots of tequila or at least some vodka. He rummaged through his kitchen and laughed bitterly when he found an open bottle of tequila.

"Alright then, this will do for tonight" he thought. Maybe if he got drunk enough he would pass out and make it through the night. After he finished the first glass he heard a knock on the door and cursed silently for being disturbed.

When he looked through the spyhole he couldn't have been more surprised.

"God, how much did I drink already?" He briefly played with the idea of pretending he wasn't at home, but he was pretty sure she wouldn't go away that easily. He opened the door and stuttered "Neela, what are you doing here?" He couldn't help his heart skip a beat at the sight of her.

"Can I come in please?"

He opened the door a little wider so that she could enter the room. For a moment she was overwhelmed by memories of her time there. This was the place she once called home and if she was being honest with herself it was where she still hoped to be one day again.

"Abby talked to you?" it was more a statement than a question, because he already knew the answer.

"Yes she did. She told me you got suspended, but you left without telling her why. Would you at least talk to me please?" Neela nearly begged him.

"What? Why of all people should I talk to you?" he said in utterly disbelief.

"Ray please I thought we were friends and friends do that"

"You're right, we _were_ friends" he spat at her emphasizing the were even as he winced inside. "You know what, Neela? Friends take care of each other and don't ignore each other. So no, we aren't friends. Please, just leave" He all but pushed her out of the apartment and slammed the door shut. Then he gave in to his suddenly weak knees and slumped to the ground, nobody seeing the despair on his face as he buried his head in his hands.

He didn't know how much time had passed when he heard footsteps near his door again and then a key was turned in the keyhole. For a moment his breath caught in his throat as his mind turned around all the possibilities from Brett, to his Roomie, to a burglar. But he realized quickly that Brett wasn't in town anymore, Neela no longer had a key and a burglar sure as hell wouldn't use one. So he stood up and stumbled to the door almost crashing into Neela as she came back and he suddenly remembered that there was always a second key under the doormat when she'd lived there.

"Neela? What are you doing here? Didn't I make it clear last time that I am in no mood to talk to you - or anyone else either?"

She took in his red rimmed eyes, and his drawn expression, and this time it really hit her, she was the one who'd done this to him. All the times that she'd pretended that she didn't see the pain in his eyes or hear the hurt in his voice whenever he tried to talk to her, but this time she wouldn't do that anymore. It was time to do something for him. Slowly she crossed the room to where he was standing and reached out to him.

He yanked her hand away feeling totally embarrassed. "Neela, go please"

"No, Ray I've run away long enough, I don't want to do this anymore. I … I love you, Ray I always have."

"But …" he started, but was lost for words.

"Look at me, Ray, I know it took me a long time to finally say that, but I'm doing it now and I can only hope that it isn't too late. I felt so guilty all the time that I loved you the way I did. And then Michael died and I was so sure it was because I loved you. I had to push you away. I … I felt that I always betrayed my vows and now that he was dead I at least needed to stay faithful, even if I wanted nothing more than run to you"

He embraced her tightly wishing he could take the pain away they both were feeling. For a short moment she feared that this was the end, but then he lift up her chin and kissed her softly. All he wanted to do in this very moment was to kiss her senseless and then take her into his bedroom to show her how much he loved her, but this wasn't the right time and they both knew it.

"I love you too Neela" he finally managed to say, "And for the first time for so long I feel that I could go back to my former self."

Neela made her way to the sofa and asked him to sit down with her. She'd come here to make him talk to her and she was determined to do it, even if talking was the last thing on her mind. "Ray, would you please tell me what happened in Luka's office?"

"You don't give up, do you?"

"I can't because I love you and I want you to trust me and let me help you"

"Okay" he sighed deeply "you're right, I should talk to someone"

Right then he repeated the whole story with the girl and Neela was absolutely sure it all was a big mistake. He would never take advantage of a patient and even more never of a young girl.

"Neela you have to believe me that nothing happened. I left the room when I told her to get dressed. I just can't understand why she keeps saying that I abused her. That's totally ridiculous, I would never touch a little girl. All I have ever wanted was you."

He ran his fingers through his hair waiting impatiently for her to say something. When she did he felt utterly relieved that she believed him.

"Ray listen, we'll get through this together and I'm sure we can sort it out"

"God, I wish I had your confidence, but I'm not sure that Kovac even believes me" he nearly whispered.

"He will, I'll make sure of it"

"You can't, last time he didn't even listen to me and I don't see why he should do it now."

"If he refuses again he has to deal with two less doctors and with the ER always short-staffed he'll think about it twice"

"Wait … wait did you just say you'd quit, if he didn't believe me? You can't do that, you just can't risk your career."

"I told you, Ray, we are in this together and it's time I started acting like you can count on me"

"Don't move" Ray smiled at her, "I'll be right back."

With that he went to the kitchen to open a bottle of wine. "Will you stay here tonight?" he shouted from there. When she didn't answer he felt his heart stop beating. He knew that he couldn't expect too much, but he had hoped they were finally going somewhere. He took two glasses and went back to see her curled up on the sofa smiling bright at him.

"Sorry, I just didn't want to wake the neighbours by shouting"

"God, Neela, I thought …." He trailed off.

"You thought I would be gone. I know it's hard to trust me, but I meant I'm with you now. And now I could use a glass of that wine before we start to think about how to clear up this disaster"

They sat in peaceful silence for a while, but he couldn't ignore the yawns she was unsuccessfully trying to hide. Once again he wasn't sure if he should offer her the bed and take the sofa, but when he stood up she immediately followed. She took his hand and with a questioning look in her eyes she made the way to his bedroom. Nothing would happen tonight, he would make sure of it, he just wanted to hold her and feel her close beside him. She wasn't ready yet, but he could wait – forever if he had to.

They sank into his bed and he spooned her to hold her as close as possible before he kissed her goodnight. Tomorrow would be another chance to come up with a good idea to convince Dr. Kovac, right now he won't think about it.

He didn't sleep well though, tomorrow would be the day when he had to talk to Kovac and probably would also see the hospital lawyer and he was in no way convinced he would get out of that easily. The only thing he knew for sure was that he wouldn't let Neela quit her job. But for the first time since the meeting with Kovac he felt like he was able to fight - and that's what he was going to do. He couldn't let a little spoiled girl destroy what he had build up in years.

They were both up early the next morning as they wanted to catch up with Kovac before the official hearing started. When they entered his office hand in hand they got a small smile from Dr. Kovac which showed that he hadn't given up on him yet. But then he was back into his old behavior and Ray wasn't sure that he hadn't imagined it.

"Dr. Rasgotra, Dr. Barnett take a seat. I talked to Nurse Taggart yesterday and she confirmed story, but that doesn't mean you're out of the woods yet. I wouldn't want to lose you, because even if I'm not sure why I'm still thinking that one day you could become a good doctor after all."

"You mean, you believe me, that nothing happened that day?" Ray asked nearly breathless in his disbelief. He still couldn't understand why all of a sudden Kovac was on his side, but he sure as hell wouldn't let him down. "So how is this supposed to go then?" Kovac glanced at him with a look that made him wince, but with Neela and Kovac on his side he would make it through, he had to. Kovac told them how the hearings normally went and after that they left to meet the others upstairs.

When they stepped out of the elevator Neela nearly froze in place about the coldness in the lawyers eyes. Suddenly she wasn't all too sure anymore that winning this wasn't forlorn hope. Since it was a closed hearing she stayed outside waiting impatiently for someone to come out and tell her what was happening inside. When Sam finally stepped out after giving her evidence she looked totally exhausted.

"It isn't going well, is it?" Neela said more to herself than to the other woman, so Sam only shook her head to Neela's question.

"No, it definitely isn't. That guy is a real nightmare, he turned around whatever I said so that it sounded completely different. I'm so sorry Neela, but I'm not sure Ray will make it."

When the door opened again over an hour later Ray stormed out of it his face blank and his whole body shaking. "That's it" he almost screamed, "I'm not going to take this any more. Call Pratt, tell him to cover my next shift, I'm leaving right now."

"Ray wait, you can't just run away. This isn't over yet."

"Neela, don't you get it, it is over, perhaps it was over before it even begun. Those people in there aren't interested in the truth, they want to protect daddy's little girl no matter what and what's probably more important they want to close this place sooner rather than later. Maybe I should call Brett and ask him to let me sing again." With that he left.

Neela took some deep breaths in order to pull herself together before she went back inside to ask Dr. Kovac to call a break for at least an hour. She had to find Ray and talk him out of taking the easiest way out. This wasn't the man she knew and she would have to remember him that he always had been a fighter – he'd simply forgotten that.

Frantically she started searching everywhere until she was utterly breathless. It was only then that she remembered the rooftop. It had always been her place to think and hide and suddenly she was sure it was where she would find him. She had lost too much time running around in a great panic, but now that she was sure where she would find him she took a moment to regain her composure. It wouldn't help any of them if she fell apart too.

When she reached the roof she nearly cried out at the sight of him. She had never seen him so broken except maybe the night she left, but then she wasn't willing to look back.

"Ray, please we have to go back inside. I heard Kovac say that maybe he could make a deal and this girl would give her testimony without her father around."

"And what would that change? Maybe it all was a big mistake. I always loved music more than being a doctor, so let them think whatever they want to."

"You know that isn't true, Ray, you are a good doctor, everybody loves you, you have a great talent to treat the patients, to take away their anxiety. Don't give that up, not to somebody like that ass. Please you have to fight them."

Suddenly he pulled himself together. He had always wanted to be a better man for her and this was his chance to show her that he had changed. "Alright let's go back then"

He took her hand and made her follow him. She wasn't sure which angel she had to thank, but for now she was happy something had changed his mind.

"Dr. Kovac, I'm sorry I left." Ray said when he entered the room again.

"It's okay I understood" he muttered. "Maybe now that you're back you'd like to hear that we've convinced the judge to talk to the girl alone. Nobody is allowed to be in there, but hopefully she will finally come to senses without her father controlling her every breath."

"Yeah hopefully" Ray sighed silent.

It was almost two hours later when those two finally escaped the private room they had drawn back into. The judge's face was unreadable, but the young woman sent a small smile of apology in Ray's direction. He wouldn't read too much in it, but suddenly he felt a little ray of hope shining for him. Maybe this wasn't the end, maybe, just maybe it was the beginning of a new fantastic chapter in his life.

"Okay, I want everybody to stand up to hear the verdict. But before this Ms. Gordon asked to have a word." Judge Berger said. "Ms. Gordon, you're now allowed to speak"

"I'm so sorry, Dr. Barnett, I nearly destroyed your career. I was having a bad day, my boyfriend left me and then you found out it could be something serious. I was so angry at the world, I had to find a release and I was sure that if I only would give my Dad a little hint he would jump to this immediately. I know that it isn't enough to simply apologize, but that's all I can do. And I hope that you can forgive me one day."

"Thank you Ms. Gordon. We already talked about your punishment. Just let me close this case with telling Dr. Barnett that he is not guilty and is allowed to work on his medical career again."

Ray couldn't help the smile that grew wide on his face when he turned to face Luka. "Thank you for everything Dr. Kovac, I owe you."

"A lot," he finished the sentence before he left the room. "I want to see you and Dr. Rasgotra down in the ER in time tomorrow. Now go outside and tell her."

Luka didn't need to say this twice, Ray was already on his way out. When their eyes locked she could see triumph but also all the love he was feeling for her and she knew that in her eyes the same light was shining.

The End


End file.
